The Atheist’s Guide to Family Shunning, Faith-Based Emails, and the Vatican Rant

Join Mike Smithgall, the unelected mayor of Atheistville, for a post-holiday edition of Breakfast with a Heathen. After a 27-day journey through Thailand, Hong Kong, and Tokyo, Mike returns to the mic to tackle listener questions on the friction between secular and religious life. From a heartbreaking discussion on evangelical families shunning siblings over same-sex marriage to a deep dive into the “carrot and stick” psychology of the fear of Hell, Mike shares personal stories—including his own experience as a parent in the South—to provide a roadmap for finding your own “tribe.”

We also explore the boundaries of the workplace, the “wasteful wealth” of the Vatican, and the logical plot holes of Original Sin. Whether you’re curious about why atheists still say “Oh my God” or how to host a secular Christmas dinner for a house full of immigrants and ex-believers, this episode is a blend of travel stories, critical thinking, and compassionate advice for the modern skeptic.

💬 Viewer Question

“Mike mentioned that atheists need to ‘try harder’ to provide social spaces to replace the church community. What is one non-religious ‘hobby’ or group that has helped you find connection since leaving faith?”

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Read the Q&A Highlights

Welcome back to Breakfast with a Heathen. I’ve been off the grid for nearly a month traveling through Asia—hitting Thailand, Hong Kong, and Tokyo. (If you ever get the chance, go. Bangkok is incredible, and Tokyo is one of the best cities in the world.)

But now I’m back in Chicago, and we have a lot to catch up on. From workplace proselytizing to the “beauty vs. waste” debate of the Vatican, let’s dive into this week’s questions.

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Q: “Would an Evangelical sibling shun me if I married a same-sex partner?”

(Asked by Soft Victory)

The Heathen’s Take: Unfortunately, yes. It happens a lot, and it isn’t just Evangelicals.

When my daughter came out as a lesbian at 16, it was a non-issue in our house because my wife and I (having backgrounds in theater and the arts) always had LGBTQ friends. But I saw the other side of it. I would wake up and find kids sleeping on my couch because their parents had kicked them out for coming out.

In the South especially, parents are often forced to choose between the Bible and their child—and too often, they choose the Bible. If your siblings shun you for who you love, that is on them. You can’t choose your family, but you can choose not to be around people who are cruel to you. Find your tribe elsewhere.

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Q: “My coworker sent a ‘Faith-Based’ email to the whole company. Is this okay?”

(Asked by Financial Vehicle)

The Heathen’s Take: Absolutely not. If you have to start an email with “This is not work-related” and “If you are not of faith, stop reading,” you already know you are wrong.

This drives me insane. We live in the United States; everyone knows who Jesus is. We are aware the Bible exists. Having “Karen from Accounting” send a company-wide email to share her testimony isn’t going to convert anyone.

Even the Bible says to pray in your closet (Matthew 6:6). Keep it private. Sending these emails is arrogant and divisive, assuming that your religious need to proselytize trumps everyone else’s right to just do their job in peace.

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Q: “I’ve been an atheist for a decade, but I still fear Hell. How do I stop believing?”

(Asked by Poppy Bile)

The Heathen’s Take: If you still fear Hell, you haven’t fully stopped believing—you’re likely still in the deconstruction phase.

Christianity uses a carrot (Heaven) and a stick (Hell). That stick is terrifying, and it’s designed to be. But for me, looking at Hell is like looking at a math problem: 2+2=4. I don’t worry about it being 3. I am convinced there is no God, so the fear of Hell vanishes because they are two sides of the same coin.

It takes time. It’s like an old breakup—eventually, you just stop thinking about your ex. One day, you’ll realize you haven’t thought about Hell in months because it simply isn’t real to you anymore.

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Q: “I visited the Vatican and felt angry at the wasted wealth. Is that wrong?”

(Asked by Rip WKB)

The Heathen’s Take: I’m conflicted on this. I’ve visited the Vatican and Notre Dame, and I find them to be amazing feats of human architecture and art. I don’t get too angry about money spent 500 years ago.

What bothers me is the modern waste. When a church today builds a basketball stadium or installs a $100,000 light show while people in their own community are hungry or sick—that is the problem.

I’d rather they use tomorrow’s collection plate to help the poor than sell off the Sistine Chapel. We can’t fix the sins of the past, but we should judge how they spend their tax-free money today.

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Q: “Does anyone else still use religious language like ‘Thank God’ or ‘God Willing’?”

(Asked by Infinite Drink)

The Heathen’s Take: All the time. I say “Oh my God,” “Good Lord,” and “God damnit” constantly.

To me, these are just idioms. They have no religious value. If I say “Holy Spatula,” it doesn’t mean I worship kitchenware. The words have lost their literal meaning.

Some atheists try to purge this language to be “pure,” and that’s fine if they want to. But I’m not going to stress over it. It’s just vernacular.

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Q: “Do you feel pushed upon when people pray at dinner?”

(Asked by Baller Unicorn)

The Heathen’s Take: No, I don’t. Almost everyone I love is a Christian. If I’m in their home and they want to pray, I will bow my head and be respectful.

I’m asking them to keep their religion out of my government, not out of their own dining room. If they are practicing their faith in their private space, that is exactly what they should be doing. I can hold hands for 30 seconds without falling apart. I’m an adult, and respect goes both ways.

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