Breakfast With a Heathen EP3 – Prayer, Apologetics, Mixed-Belief Love, and Leaving Faith
Subscribe for updates: Leave this field empty if you're human: Pour a cup and hang out for a Sunday morning Q&A. You’ll hear my take on “I’m praying for you,” why Christian apologetics fascinates and embarrasses, and a story about a friendly young-earth creationist who pushed me to think harder. We get into belief in…
Pour a cup and hang out for a Sunday morning Q&A. You’ll hear my take on “I’m praying for you,” why Christian apologetics fascinates and embarrasses, and a story about a friendly young-earth creationist who pushed me to think harder. We get into belief in a god without religion, the rise of the “nones,” and why a secular state isn’t my goal. We talk through fear during deconversion, mixed-belief relationships that work or implode, and simple etiquette for atheists at religious events. I close with “God of the gaps,” why “I don’t know” is a strong answer, and an invite to call the Heathen Hotline to add your voice. If you’re sorting your views or supporting someone who is, you’ll leave with calm, practical perspective and a few laughs.
Read the Q&A Highlights
Welcome back to Breakfast with a Heathen. This is a laid-back Sunday morning conversation—no fiery rhetoric, just me, you, and a cup of coffee (mine is some sort of bourbon maple flavor today).
Today we’re covering everything from “polite” Southern insults to the undercover missionaries hiding in plain sight, plus a deep dive into why apologetics often fall apart when you look at the numbers.
Q: “I pray that Jesus opens your eyes and removes the unbelief.”
(Asked by Jimmy Chase)
The Heathen’s Take: Thanks, Jimmy. I’m going to assume you mean that sincerely. But for those who didn’t grow up in the South, let me translate.
In the South, if someone says “Bless your heart,” it isn’t a compliment. It’s a polite way of calling you an idiot without breaking social etiquette. When believers tell atheists they are “praying for us,” it often carries that same passive-aggressive weight. But Jimmy, since I can’t hear your tone, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.
Q: “Apologetics are embarrassing.”
The Heathen’s Take: They can be, but they are also fascinating.
Years ago, I tore my rotator cuff and spent four months in physical therapy. My therapist was a great guy—funny, smart, very religious. One day he asked if he could pray for my shoulder. I said sure. Why not? He believed it would help.
Later, he revealed he was a Young Earth Creationist. He believed the earth was only 6,000 years old, which means he had to reject dinosaurs, geology, and carbon dating as false.
But here is the kicker: He told me he was going to have to unfriend me on Facebook eventually. Why? Because he and his wife were training to be undercover missionaries in the Middle East. They were going to enter a country hostile to Christianity under the guise of being medical professionals, but their real agenda was to convert people. He had to scrub his social media so he wouldn’t get caught.
I found it fascinating that he was willing to put his family in danger based on a “house of cards” worldview where science is fake but his secret mission is real.
Q: “Can you believe in God without a religion?”
The Heathen’s Take: Absolutely. In fact, if there is a God, I’m pretty sure they aren’t a Baptist, a Hindu, or a Scientologist.
If proof of a creator suddenly appeared, billions of religious people would be confused because that creator likely wouldn’t care about their specific rituals. Believing in a “higher power” without buying into the specific dogmas of Noah’s Ark or Xenu in a volcano is actually a much more logical position than following a specific religion.
Q: “What racial injustice are you referring to? Only 2% of the US were slaves.”
(Asked by Sebastian Stock)
The Heathen’s Take: This comment on my YouTube channel blew my mind with its ignorance. Sebastian claimed that “only 2%” of the population were slaves and “most of their owners were black.” Both of these points are wildly false.
First, the “only” is offensive. Even if it was 2%, that would be millions of human beings. But the real number was closer to 12% of the total US population in 1860. If we scaled that to today’s population, that would be 41 million people enslaved. That is the entire population of 17 states combined.
Second, the idea that “most owners were black” is a lie. Out of 4 million slaves, only about 10,000 to 12,000 were owned by Black people—often family members buying their own relatives to protect them. This kind of “whitewashing” history is exactly what I was criticizing in the first place.
Q: “What is the social etiquette for an atheist at a Catholic wedding?”
The Heathen’s Take: Do exactly what everyone else is doing. Be polite. Sit when they sit, stand when they stand.
You don’t have to take communion or pray. Just be respectful. It’s no different than when I attended a Bat Mitzvah; I didn’t know exactly what to do when the Torah came by, but I sat quietly and acted like an adult. You are there to support the couple, not to make a statement about your lack of belief.
Q: “Nobody knows the answers, but that doesn’t make your answers correct.”
The Heathen’s Take: This is the “God of the Gaps” problem. Just because science doesn’t know something yet doesn’t mean “God did it” is the answer.
Science is constantly moving forward, and religion is constantly retreating. We used to think lightning was God’s wrath; now we know it’s electricity. We used to think seizures were demons; now we know it’s epilepsy.
I don’t know how my microwave works, but I don’t assume it’s magic. It is okay to say “I don’t know.” Filling in the blanks with “God” isn’t an answer; it’s just a placeholder.
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